RANTS

worked at a jewels shop for as my part time job for the dec holidays.
pay seems good but when calculated in detail, it is actually quite little?but i am okay w it since i feel that i am literally slacking throughout the job.
basically my job scope is just to ensure the cleaniness of the shop, which is to clean the windows, panels, keep the chairs clean and wipe the jewelries.
the colleagues there are quite friendly, just that sometimes u cant grasp what they are thinking.
and not to get in their bad books what they ask me to do i will just fulfill.since i am bored anyway.
this brings me to another point.
getting a job in the holidays for me is to earn money to spend, and since i got no plans for the holidays.
but if u really want to enjoy the holidays u should not take up the offer in the first place.
cos if u are like that i feel that i am in a difficult position cos i was the one that referred u to them, but u dont even feel like working.
i feel that u dont like the job, and prolly feel that i forced u to take up the offer?
this makes me feel like a bad person. and no point kept telling me u wanna play.since u know the duration of the job and when it ends u should have an idea alr.

TRIP TO MALAYSIA

this may sound funny, but i HAD never been to JB before, on a day trip.

yes, JB is so near to singapore, and convenient too, why not?

parents objection was one big reason, followed by no one bringing me there.

finally, after being to numerous countries, i finally been to JB today!

it was a trip planned around 1 week ago before our finals?wanted to get cheap stuff there and chill and to eat bah kut teh!

it was really exciting for me? especially it was planned right after my exams, my hectic exams.
3 exams, and i got ample time, or at least sufficient time, to study for the finals.

with that, we went to JB! it was more convenient than i have thought.
there are buses at jurong east that has direct buses to JB which is pretty convenient!
met up with rachael first, then we took the bus all the way to kranji mrt to meet up with the rest.
after all the customs and everything, we reached JB! we tried to walked around city square mall before settling down our lunch. we decided to eat at a ramen restaurant. the food is not that bad and slightly cheap too. before that, i saw benjamin at city square mall! it was a small world hahaha quite shocking to see him at JB lol of all places.
shopped around city square mall, and realised it was quite boring, so we tooked cab to another nearby mall KSL shopping mall!was really scared of taking the cab since we do not know the mall at all and was scared that the taxi driver will just cheat us of money. but luckily we reached the venue safely. the shops at the shopping mall is really cheap hahaha. the dresses there are mostly 2 for RM50! super cheap since when converted back to S dollars it is only about 10 dollars.
it is quite difficult to imagine that my guy friends took so much time to buy stuff as compared to us.
the best bah kut teh is near the KSL shopping mall~~
did not manage to take alot of the food we took since we were all too hungry but the bah kut teh is seriously very nice~~a nice soup to drink on a raining day.

anyway malaysia trip ended in a happy note, hopefully to go back again for some cny shopping~

fate.

thinking too much

time past so fast this semester is coming to an end.
am not too sure what to feel about it though.
happy, sad, relieved?

i realized that our friendship is actually quite fragile.we are like never telling each other stuff.
and genuine we are pissed with each other?
being independent has it pros in this case.
too reliant on other people will make me more upset if i am alone.
sometimes alone time is so important.

i cant help but thinking about this.
is this what we called 暧昧关系?
or is just purely friendships?
i hope i am not thinking too much into this.

there is always these 1/2 days in a month where i get mood swings.

Pissed at almost anything and everything, peoples action and everything that i cant seem to agree on.

waiting to quarrel with everyone, or not even talking at all.

swallowing myself into some misery and feeling sorry for myself.

After this 2 days i will be back to my usual self again.

is it just me or it is the hormones?

i am weird.

WEEK 4

too lazy to update until now hahaha.

my holidays were fun.
had 2 jobs that were of totally different job scope which makes me think more what i want to do after my studies. i got a huge feeling i will end up in the finance sector which i really dont mind. it was after this 2 jobs i really thought about what i want to work as after graduation. initally i was keen on doing research work. but after hearing so much from my friends i realised that i dont want to be a researcher. the job scope seems interesting but the work is way too boring.
joined 2 camps and i realised that as u grow older, u will tend to not enjoy it? u will tend to look into the management level of the whole event. i do have to agree that the management level is not good at all since i heard of issues, but i guess what they can do is not to let us know so that we wont feel so demoralised and upset withe the whole camp? hmm i do have to agree that i let my emotions let loose this camp but i really think that this is not the way to do this. it makes me feel cheated to join the camp. but probably the fun thing is really the bitching part where everyone felt the same sentiments as me and not myself alone only.
overall my holidays were fuilfilling as i grew much more mature, and more outspoken, but i guess my friends are still getting the shock of me being so gangsta now.

school started and it is week 4.
i can predict the stressness level will hit a whole new level since i am learning alot of new stuff this sem?
taking japanese was not what i had in mind.if not i would have start learning japanese during the holidays.but i do have to agree that i like the tutorial class? although it is quite stress but i feel that without the speaking up you really wont learn and this is what language class should do.oh wells. school work is always stress so i guess there is no point of me saying more

friendships again. i should try and not let my emotions go out of hand. i am really scared that i will chase away my friends again. words that i say really dont mean it. i just cant find the correct words to phrase it. maybe i shouldnt say so fast in case i pisses someone off again.

IT IS THE HOLIDAYS

Life was mundane. Office-> home->videos->sleep this cycle continues everyday.

Not that I was complaining, or I am really complaining. But this kind of lifestyle is so not me.

I have been so looking forward to office life but I was seriously disappointed? Maybe because I am a temporary staff, so I don’t have nothing impt to do. But my job is really to slack to an extent that I feel bad taking the pay since my job is just asset taking. And technically spaking, if all the in charge of different departments cooperate and help me, it could BE done within 2 weeks? But because everyone is busy with their own stuff I am left there slacking. Bad idea. I rather be retail assistant whereby i can like slack openly, whereas in office when people are busy typing stuff I feel bad to keep using my itouch to read books. So to pay me thousand bucks for this simple asset taking is just weird. Not like I know where the assets were in the first place, I still have to look for the relevant person to help me. so technically speaking I am useless there la. Therefore, I cant wait to end my job in like 8 days, then look for some events job so that I can survive the remaining one month with something to do rather that slacking at home.

After working in an office I begin wondering, what do I want to do with my life? What job am I going to look for? Something related to what I am studying? Or totally irrelevant stuff? Suddenly I realized my jobscope is not that broad as I thought. Basically I don’t think office job requires engineers though. But if I do retail, what type of retail am I looking at? Haiz. I think I really need to start planning my future if not I really don’t know what will I be doing after graduation.

Results were out. It was good at least for me, as I thought this semester is the worse semester I have ever been though and I still managed to pull up my CAP, despite not working very hard for it. I really rushed through my studies for the last week so I really thought I might fail a few modules. But phew. really lucky. This time round I realized the need to really start revising from the start and not wait till the end, if not the last week to study is the most torturous. And there is one more thing I really have to admit. The number of hours put in does not equate to the grade you want to get. But this doesn’t mean that you don’t study. At least for my case, I can’t stop studying even though I might have already finish the revision as I know I will confirm forget some details here and there. And my brain is not really fast enough to process the question plus to formulate answer. 

Suddenly I regretted not holding slumber party for my birthday. I regretted not doing something special for my birthday. I regretted not having parties, I regretted not booking a hotel room and ask a few close friends over for celebration. All these regrets, got stronger and stronger when I saw what my friends did for their bday, or what their friends’ friends did for their bdays. What about mine? I am really thankful for my uni friends(I don’t know say how many times already), but I am pretty upset with my secondary school friends. Not too sure abt jc friends though, since we are not close to begin with haiz.

Relationships. I begin to think a lot about it. The feeling of liking someone, the feeling of being liked by someone. Read too much love stories already but I really don’t get sick of it I don’t know why. I really hope that the someone who like me will be like the guys in the stories. Really love you and care for you, and really put you in the first place. But that is in fiction world, I highly doubt I can find someone like that. The urge of finding a boyfriend is so strong and it gets stronger when I see the collage of my friend’s sister engagement process. Omg it is super sweet! When will that happen to me?haha. don’t think to much I guess. If it is here it will be here! Waiting for my prince charming…

因为爱情

给你一张过去的CD
听听那时我们的爱情
有时会突然忘了
我还在爱著你
再唱不出这样的歌曲
听到都会红著脸躲避
虽然会经常忘了
我依然爱著你
因为爱情 不会轻易悲伤
所以一切都是幸福的模样
因为爱情 简单的生长
依然随时可以为你疯狂
因为爱情 怎麽会有沧桑
所以我们还是年轻的模样
因为爱情 在那个地方
依然还有人在那里游荡
人来人往

i guess we are going to like meet each other just for special occassions? at this rate i guess our friendship is really on thin ice. even though i do not want it to be like that, but i guess in the end it will end up to be? no one wants to sacrifice their time out, the rest have plenty of plans, and no one is kind of bothered with it anymore. shld i even care in the first place. so annoying.

IT IS ALL OVER!:D

2012/2012 semester 2 officially ended on 2 may 2013 7pm heehee:D

It is kind of unbelievable  one week ago i was still trying to finish my revision/study for 4 modules within a week  hardcore mugging for almost 6 days from 10am to 10pm is really no joke. it was like learning the whole semester's content in 1 day per average module. however, i kind of enjoy the mugging time, while we mug hard, gossip hard, and have good food! i think i really studied the most for this sem, although i did screwed up some modules, hopefully the grades won't be that bad.

and ohya, i realised i don't know when is the release of exam results. oh well i shall not bother to figure out when is it so that i will not think too much on it. 

and i have suddenly nothing to do. like seriously. i have plans to like watch a lot of dramas and movies but it is a bit impossible to watch nonstop for the day. so i am gonna wait for work so that i have cash and i will feel more happy and can buy a lot of stuff:D

my 21st birthday went past like in a flash?

i was too worried about my finals than to really think of how to celebrate though.

but i am thankful for my uni group of friends, who really take time to plan the surprise for me.i was totally not aware that they planned such a huge surprise for me, by lying to me that they are gonna to study on my birthday and celebrate mine some other day after finals, and turning up at the resturant! i was super touched and felt dumb at the first place. i just feel weird that one kept asking me to go to utown, one kept asking for lunch and one kept asking for dinner, when i do know that there is a wa chat abt me lol! i was really dumb to not realise it. i think i was too preoccupied with projects and finals.

<3<3<3 i might not know how to express myself but i am really thankful for this uni group of friends whom despite our busy schedules, still celebrate my birthday, making my 21st birthday a really memorable one.i am also thankful for the people who wished me.

now then i realised the disappointment that you will get when the one that you care so much and want them to wish you, did not wish you. it seemed trivial but it means so much to me. it is quite impossible how my first bday wish came from just a normal friend. i wont let it get to me. since i am all grown up. 

latest news: hot new gossip from my bie group heehee. actually i really don't know how to react if the gossip is real. i mean, i am okay with them together, but i think there are too many factors to consider if they really going to go together.if they really are okay with it, i will really congratulate them, and hope they will go forever. if not, it will be as awkward as ever. 

came across this and i feel that it is quite meaningful:

When people talk about exes, they often speak of them as if they’re dead. They usually don’t have contact with the person and in the future there’s really no need to. Exes often fade into the past, forgotten forever or remembered only as a distant memory.

it probably strike a chord to me now since i am looking at this juicy gossip. i mean, for guys does it really mean nothing to not to care about your ex's feelings when u attempt to chase another girl that was a friend of your exes?

heavy hearted, lighthearted

when thoughts become incoherent...

project was finally over. a lots of ups and downs, unhappiness around but i am glad that all went well.
some people looks easy to work with, while some is not.
i like my group mates as friends. as for projectmates  prolly not. got people who is super pro, some who acted pro, and work hoggers.


sometimes i am nice because i don't want the issues to get to me. cos if it gets to me i will be super pissed and angry and upset. which i don't want. and i think they won't care. and think that i am too sensitive or whatever. my life wont be happy. so why get pisssed, why take everything seriously.

some days my heart will feel very heavy. all the ps done to me. but i am really upset. maybe it is just like that.

feel like trolling them on mon too. shld i. will it seemed like i am just too petty instead?

deep thoughts late at night

i think my patience have a limit. when it cant it really bursts. 

maybe it is really joking, but i am seriously hurt by it. and got pretty pissed with it.

sometimes this week, then i realise that actually my this group of friends are not very easy to talk to?

we seemed to be super confined with our thoughts.

and i have been talking about some personal stuff to people that are are not my close friends at all.

omg. i tell them what i think, which i dont even tell my closest friends.

i donno if i have feelings for you? but i find it so much easier to talk to you. one step at a time, hopefully u can be one of the good friends that i can talk to about stuff

emotional yet agin.

Sometimes, little things can take you by surprise.

I have grown up. mentally and physically.

learnt to realized that the world is not as simple as you think, neither people are divided into 2 types, good or bad.

people have emotions, behavior too. impossible to cater to everyone.

my smile on my face sometimes I feel is pretty fake.

"i don't judge people" so whatever your actions is, i cannot judge, i cannot have my own views?

i realized i have became more emotional, maybe because things have changed, and it is not what you planned.

various scenarios passed through my minds late in the night.

learning to be a nice person is so difficult. 

i am not easy to bully.

when things dont go my way, i have the reason to whine, be sad and cry, because, I am human too.

in a slightly cheerful tone, birthday in around 2months time~

and no, i am not going to have a birthday party. i dont want to be a nice person, and ask everyone again.

i am not someone good with words. sometimes what i say does not reflect what i mean. limited vocabulary in my brain. 

NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” 
― Mother Teresa

this really makes sense. We should not judge people no matter how unhappy we are because of them.
rather, we should have an open heart.

I should try and not be so cynical in stuff that my family members say, and try to understand and agree w them. since different people have different views, i should not impose my views on people. this makes all of us unhappy. i think i make alot of people within the two days. haiz. i got no idea why my thoughts just came out in this way. and i am super tempted to blame it on pms.but no. i really realised i got too cranky and abit full of myself. i am so sorry and i promise i will try and change for the better :)

i really want to get away

sometimes impressions do change. sometimes, a bad first impression should not haunt you, as it will cloud your vision to the actual personality. similarly, a good impression doesn't mean that the actual personality is good. i finally understand this, and i tell myself, not to judge people so easily until i know them better.


sometimes we all think that guys are easy to understand, like an open book. but is so not true.

 it could be seen that they are actually quite despo to look for girls?

how can they just end a relationship and get into another one so fast?how can they just show their affection to their GF without thinking about their exs? how can they act in a way that is soooo irritating?

now i understand the importance of getting to know the guy first before plunging into the river of love, as it seems to me that girls will always be the victim when a relationship fell through.

probably because of so many different types of relationship cases around me that kind of made me fear of relationships?despite wanting a boyfriend soooo badly, the thought of someone loving you, hear your stories, is painted so nice in my mind. but actual scenanrio is super different?how am i suppose to know if the guy is suitable for me? how can i know that he is the one? 

in this case i sound pretty despo for myself. However, imaginations can run wild though, since they are kept in my brain. 

step-by-step, hoping that i will meet one that i am willing to take the risk of love, and experience the power of love~

BIE YEAR 2 SEM 2 WEEK 1

finally settled with my module stuff and i got 6 modules! really challenging myself to the max.

everytime i see my timetable, i could only sigh. but. i have to keep telling myself that "i could do this, i wanted this, and i wont regret it" and i seriously hope that i could still say this after week 7, or even before finals.

but, it seems really taxing. to an extent that i am just going to do my own way. it is tough to plan timetables with friends. really. and i think i am just going to stick to what i have planned.

sometimes, i get really moody at night, thinking about the past actions that i have done in the day.

i cared too much about other peoples' feelings that i am not showing my feelings. and no one knows it. this is bad as people may think that i am easy to bully. but i am not. okay. 

and even though i want to say i dont care, i really care. it hurts actually, to see that someone that matters to you the most, and thought that u mattered to her as well, does not really matter your feelings. since you dont really cared about our feelings, i dont care about hurting your feelings either. prolly this is what people called xiao xin yan, but i really dont know how i should react. and it hurts to see that you are not as important as you thought in her life. things change, people change, priorities change.

SO A NEW YEAR HAS JUST BEGUN

i survived 2012 in korea, with a snowy weather:D 

i have been sooooo busy that i have severely neglected this blog for a few months?let me do a simple recap of what i did in 2012:

1. travelling: korea, taiwan! 

superb experience, and i cant wait to go again :D with friends or family it is also fine. 

2. chose bioengineering as my major, so far no regrets yet and i hope i will never regret.

3.have a really hectic timetable for sem 2 but i survived!

4. went for oweek and make alot of new friends whom will be my besties for the university life.

resolutions for 2013:

1. challenge myself and take 6 mods for each semester!

2. really pull up my cap so i can at least get a 3rd class honors.

3.spend more time with family

4.save up for travelling with friends!

5.explore more things

6.take really good care of myself :D

it seems vague but yeah, this are my major resolutions for this year, and hoping i could fulfill to all of them :D